In this series, we spoke to Helena (28), an escort from Berlin. She opened up to us about her job, relationships and the ups and downs of her profession. Below you can find part one of our three part interview with Helena, stay tuned for the rest!

What term do you prefer? Escort, sex worker, …?

Thank you for asking, I prefer the term “escort”. For ages, I've had a very positive association with that term, mostly due to movies and books. Escorts are always described as almost ethereal, beautiful women; they’re educated, fluent in multiple languages, cite from classical literature, play chess, have perfect manners and immaculate style. This image is similar to the one used for female secret agents, who use their allure to seduce their - mostly male - targets. An escort is a woman “in charge”. Wearing a little black dress, she appears to be every man’s dream - but only those who can affort her can get closer to her. You will find her only in the fanciest restaurants and bars, or at the side of a wealthy man, flying to the most exquisit destinations. She is a modern fairytale, desired and appreciated - and gets highly payed for it! Through it all, she stays independent and appears to those who encounter her as a fleeting dream. What a powerful image, and what a desirable life! Yes, I do like the term escort and the image it evokes.

How do you feel about words like “whore” and “prostitute”, and why?

Words have power! According to the concept of constructivism, we often construct our own realities based on perception, instead of seeing things as they truly are. I’ll give you an example: If I tell you Im going to the beach, without going into detail, you’ll inevitably have an image in your head. You might think of the Carribean - white, powdery sand and a bright blue sky framed by palm trees. You have your own association with the term “beach”, but that idea can be very different from the reality. This is how our brains work, we use mental shortcuts to get through life easier. We use these same shortcuts when using a word like “whore”.

Words like “whore” have a negative connotations. In most instances, the images this word evokes have nothing to do with the individual behind it. Furthermore, these words and associations can foster disrespectful and intrusive behaviour in other people. Maybe we should start to use less of these harsh words in our society, so that we decrease the stigma, shame and judgement in our language. I would argue that we should aim to use more neutral terms, like we do with sales assistants and or police officers. For me, a word that’s regularly used as a slur is totally unfit for use in my job description. For others it’s different. You want to be a whore? Fine, then be one! In general I believe that everybody should be free to use their preferred terms in their job descriptions.

I'll say it again, words have power - and you can either use them or let them be used against you. Moreover, we still have to consider the overall social dimension. Currently the term “sex worker” is being used more and more. It might not sound too sexy, but I support the general idea behind it - in that it posses a more “neutral” connotation. With that said, I believe that even this term does not do the service that we offer justice. There is so much more to what we do than just sex. Of course the physical act is a core part of the job, but the desires and emotions behind it is much more complex and important than many realise. Some people search for appreciation, approval, belonging or company, while others search for freedom, distraction, entertainment or love. Our work is so much more than just sex.

Tell us when you started working as an escort and what made you consider sex work as a career choice.

I started in February 2019, I still remember the exact week. I was sitting in a car next to my friend, who was coming with me on vacation. I just matched with a guy on tinder, and for the next few days my world revolved around him and our conversations. He was probably the most exciting man I’d ever met at that point in my life. Good looking, great job, slightly criminal tendencies and an incredible aura. His self-confidence captured me! When everybody else on the trip went to sleep, we would keep talking on the phone, sometimes until 2:00 to 3:00 am. He played this game with me where he would create these controversial scenarios, and I had to tell him how I would react. It was the first time someone had ever presented such controversial views in such an unbiased yet exciting way. One time he asked me if I could imagine working as an escort. Back then my answer was “I don’t know, probably not”. But the question played on my mind for several months until I eventually started doing some research. I guess you can say that fate and curiosity got me here. Skipping a few months ahead to my first date in January 2020: My first customer was one fine man! Tall, with a full beard and razor-sharp cheekbones - the sex was fabulous! Just like a one-night stand with a guy from a dating app. This time the difference was that I got payed for it. It was an excellent start that propelled me along this path.

Interview with an Escort - Part I